When the “shelter in place” was first put into effect parents started sending copies of suggested schedules for the kids to have the perfect routine. It took only one day for the feed to show lots of posts joking about these schedules since for most kids it simply didn’t work out! But for one of the 5 elements a tight schedule is exactly what the doctor ordered. Other kids live and breathe “Zoom” as their friends are what keeps them going. Others crawl back into their shell by diving into art or STEM projects. Some kids give a whole new meaning to the term “bouncing of the walls” and they are probably the element with the most “wiggles”.
My patients know that I am very much against “protocols” (which already means I am not a metal element), since I believe in different strokes for different folks.But each of us have one core element, and two others that might be dominant and also affect our behavior. The combination of elements and their balanced state affect our behavior.
You might ask yourself “what good does knowing my child’s element do?”, and I’m glad you did! Well, knowing your child’s element helps you understand their strengths, weaknesses as long as what motivates them. You will better understand why one of your children is always in compliance while her brother seems to always try and spite you, why one child likes things exactly the way they are “supposed” to be while her sister always improvises everything including recipes. I assume our first goal during “Shelter-in-Place”? is to keep the kids happy and comfortable so we in turn might keep our sanity. Knowing your child’s emotional “weak spot” from these crazy times and how to deal with it and realizing what gets them going might come in handy right now! Let’s try to figure our which element our child is first:
assertive, great at initiating and carrying out projects, hates when someone tries to control them, dominant, competitive, love physical activities, adventurous, always get what they want, difficulties controlling their anger, need to have the last word in any argument, the first to say “challenge accepted!”.
charismatic, dramatic, love to be the center of attention, spontaneous, get bored easily, tend to blush, steal the spotlight during social events, optimistic, always surrounded by peers, kind
like taking care of others, love their routine and have difficulties with changes,modest, insecure, tend to please others, loyal, like to feel others depend on them, worrisome, empathetic, patient
organized, do things by the book, can’t tolerate injustice, calculated, perfectionists, have high self-control, judgmental, avoid challenges, overthink things before and after.
strong will-power, shy, going with the flow and sometimes perceived as pushovers, modest, adapt easily to situations and people, searching for deep answers about the world and themselves, fearful
Element # 1 is...
Wood types are the more dominant kids, they are robust, can’t stand still, have a loud voice, and in general it’s easy to notice them amongst the crowds due to their assertiveness. They are great leaders and love initiating new projects and carrying them through and they do well when they have a lot on their plate. Could be “control freaks” and tend to get angry and frustrated very often. Their need for control is what causes them to purposely be in defiance. They might go from “green zone” to “red zone” and turn into a human tornado even though you try your best not to rock the boat.
Difficulties during “Shelter-in-Place”: as they can’t stand still, it’s a big ask for them to “behave” while being cooped up indoors for so long. Most kids miss their physical activities but these kids miss it so much more.
What do they need:
- physical activities – running and jumping in the Backyard/outdoors (whatever is still allowed), video games that have physical exercise, yoga/hip hop on Youtube, body sock (also great for sensory kids).
- Give them a sense of control – the situation is already out of control, now you need to minimize their frustration. Whenever you can, let them call the shots, like have options to choose from when making a schedule. If you want them to organize their room, make it into a challenge rather than them interpreting it as a “command”
- Boundaries – they need to know the situation is indeed under control so make sure to set boundaries, breath deep… they are testing you!
Element # 2 is...
Fire types are usually joyful, they are also easy to spot since they love being in the spotlight. The class clown is usually a fire element who loves being the center fof attention and spreading joy. They also tend to be leaders but not . Their charisma, and enthusiasm makes them a social magnet. They are also very creative. They tend to have a difficult time keeping themselves busy and demand parents engage with them all the time. When excited they talk very fast and forget to let others have a turn. They are the first ones to get on stage and dress in eye-catching outfits.
Difficulties during “Shelter-in-Place”: fire elements have the hardest time with “social distancing” since they need social interactions more than any other element.
What do they need:
- Social interactions – help your child schedule virtual playdates with family and friends to overcome loneliness which “turns their fire off”. Get a new loving “stuffy”
- Encourage creativity – go on Youtube and Pinterest to find ideas for creative DIY fun.
- Music and dancing – hip hop tutorials, musical instruments, singing
Element #3 Is...
Earth types are very empathetic to others and have a tendency to worry. They love being home and close to their family and they need their routine that gives them a sense of stability. Change is difficult for them and they need lots of TLC and support from their parents during transitioning to a new routine. They are friendly, compassionate and absolutely love food. They tend to put themselves last in order to please others, and often fall into self pity. They seek social media mainly for support from friends. Food plays a major role in the joy of both eating but also when cooking for others.
What do they need:
- Cooking together – food is a great comfort for earth types and cooking together is very “grounding”, it’s all about family, home, very grounding.
- Gardening – another “grounding” activity that
- Routine – no need for a strict schedule, just a “stable” routine.
Element #4 Is...
Metal elements tend to overthink everything and have a hard time letting go of things and turning over a new leaf. They are the most organized element and tend to be perfectionists which is why their motto towards challenges is “avoid like the plague”. They operate on logic and are very responsible and reliable and believe in justice and “doing the right thing”. Regret of things they did or missed out on might make them miserable for the longest time as they could be very obsessive.
Difficulties during “Shelter-in-place”: things stopped making sense
What do they need:
- Strict schedule – there is probably no need to set the alarm for these kids as they probably have an inner one built in. they absolutely need some sense that things are the way they “should be” and having a schedule helps them maintain that feeling.
- “Scientific” – speak to their rationale about what is going on, they need scientific data, research… that kind of language is easier for them to process
Element #5 Is...
water elements have the strongest willpower which helps them achieve whatever they want, even if it takes them a lifetime to get it. Their achilles heel is fear, which can prevent them from trying things. It’s relatively easy for them to adapt to people and situations as they are mellow and easy going. Sometimes they could be too shy and “adaptogenic” that others take advantage of them since they might be “pushovers”. When out of balance, fear often stands in their way.
Difficulties during “Shelter-in-place”: panic rubs on them too easily.
What do they need:
- Keep a “Fear Journal” – ask your child to put his fears in writing and “brainstorm” on ways to deal with them
- Get into character – ask your child to choose their hero and play that role whenever they are afraid
- Try relaxing activities – yoga for kids, mindfulness for kids, acupressure using points that help with stress
I’m sure you have found things you can relate to in more than just one of the elements, and that is because we have more than one dominant one in us, we have a combination of elements that we can observe and their state of balance also makes a difference. Hope you find these tips helpful and make the most out of your “Shelter-in-Place” days!
Disclaimer: Information and statements made here are for education purposes and are not intended to replace the advice of your doctor. The views and nutritional advice expressed in this blog are not intended to be a substitute for conventional medical service. If you pregnant or have a severe medical condition or health concern, see your physician.